Life before marriage was busy, now that I am married it seems that life is even more chaotic.
I remember being engaged and overwhelmed with the idea of what it meant to be a wife. Not to just have the title but to actually carry the weight of what a wife is.
To cook, clean, scrub, wash, fold, day in and day out. To still have the energy to love and support your spouse after all of that. To have patience with them and continue to forgive them to despite their shortcomings. To still make time for your family, for their family, for your friends, for their friends, this is not to mention if you have children or pets.
I was so overwhelmed and knew I didn’t want to fail as a wife.
Now that I have been a wife for a year, I wanted to share a few things that have been important to me in my marriage and keep in mind what I say does not reflect on you and your marriage or future marriage.
What helped me this first year:
- Planning a schedule out and having a routine and sticking to it! This includes a cleaning schedule, meal planning and cooking, setting a laundry day, etc.
- Plan out a budget and learn to discipline yourself!
I cannot stress this one enough. This may call for some sacrifices in the beginning but long term it will pay off. (When my husband and I first got married, our budget for grocery shopping was $100 and after a few months of realizing we do not need to spend that much for just two people, our budget is now $60. You have to find what works best for you and your family. I also use the Ibotta app to help me save some extra money just by scanning in my receipts. Click here to sign up and start saving!)
- Make time to be creative and plan small surprises for your spouse.
Whether it’s their favorite meal or dessert when they have had a long day/week at work or school, a handwritten note in their lunch bag or coat pocket, maybe an indoor picnic accompanied by some string lights you have laying around the house, etc. All these are romantic gestures that don’t take too much time or planning to let your partner know you appreciate them.
- Plan weekend getaways every few months.
With all the hustle and bustle of working, raising children, tending to each others families, car maintenance, home projects, etc. it will do your marriage good to get out of town for a few days. You don’t even have to travel far. You can visit a state park and stay in a tent or cabin, you could drive to the next town over and stay in a cute and afforable Bed and Breakfast or Airbnb. (Click here to receive $40 off your first stay.)
Maybe you have friends who live out of town and would love to host you, all you have to do is ask.
Every few months or every long weekend, make plans to visit somewhere new to rest and recharge.
- Communicate, commend and compliment!
While I was excelling at my wifely duties like cooking and cleaning, I was neglecting my partner where he needed it the most–commending and complimenting.
I was starving him of those two and I could really tell it was hurting our relationship so I had to put those in practice and I still do. Marriage is a constant work in progress like so many other things and no two marriages are the same.
I also had a hard time at the beginning of our marriage communicating; opening up and expressing my feelings when I actually felt them. Instead I would hold them all in and finally burst at the wrong time and for the wrong reasons. It’s something I continue training myself to do and something I urge all partners to do.
- Pray together. In time of need and wants, in happiness, in sadness, in trials, under tribulation, with fears and worries, under pressure, in tears of joy, with weaknesses and thoughts of self harm, pray together.
Again, remember that no two marriages are alike and what works for me, may not work for you but I wrote this piece hoping to encourage and support you.